Two Sports Movies I Didn’t Love… And One I Loved 3 Times

This is a blast to the past for me, I don’t think any of these movies were made in the 2000’s?

Ah whatever, you all have to deal with my nostalgic ruminations.

First up:

Angels in the outfield.jpg

Angels in the Outfield

Now I only barely remember this thing, but as even a casual player of sport, this got to me.  The idea is that these kids want their dad to love them, and he replies – sarcastically – that it’ll only happen when the lowest team in the league wins the championship.  Ick.  Imagine having your relationships depend on the Dockers winning the Grand Final.  As we know, that didn’t work out well for a lot of children, of all ages.

So naturally, the kids pray that the team, unironically named the angels, will win the league.  (Incidentally, I only found out now that there really was an Angels team at the time, they were part owned by Disney!)

So, God himself gets off his throne and throws down some divine intervention.  Of all things, he chooses to intervene in the results of sports games for the sake of two entitled children.  This, is apparently what the big G considers inportant.


So, most of the movie has angels playing on the side of the Angels.  We are treated to high-quality 90’s CG of the ball evading the opposing team’s bat and flying directly into the glove of the crappy fielder.  It’s some pretty blatent cheating, you might not know how it’s being done, but something is definately wrong with having a baseball loop-de-loop into the catcher’s glove.

Then and now, the only thing I can think is how stressful and frustrating it must’ve been for the opposition, to have a victory they trained and worked hard for stolen, because some little shit had Daddy issues.

Thanks, America.


Second up:

Rookie of the year.jpg

Rookie of the Year.

Some kid gets a super-pitch while his arm was broken, and we have to watch a movie about it.  The kid, his mum, right up to every other player on the team, are obnoxiously proud of how they are using a total mutant to break the system.  In the future of this movie, I see numerous children and adults having risky, life-long surgery done on their shoulders in an attempt to replicate this.  If they do, the entire game of baseball would be at risk of becoming a non-scoring game, leading to the ban of super-players for the same reason as people with steroid aid.

Anyway, mostly the movie isn’t rage-inducing, or even a minor brain hemorrhage.  It’s what happens at the end.  At the critical moment of the final innings of the ultimate game for the World Series, the kid slips and falls, fixing his shoulder.  Rather than telling anyone what had happened, and getting his pretty good mentor pitcher friend in to p[lay it out, he tries to play with the pitching arm of a 9 year old (I think he’s twelve, but he throws like six).

So, in order to win, the kid and his team engage in a series of “tricky” (read unsportsmanlike) plays, taunting, lying and misleading into getting two outs.

Then finally, the ultimate villain comes up to bat.  They actually played this team earlier in the season, and this guy is the villain because… he managed to hit the kid for a home run.  Dastardly.  He also acts kind of pissed off, but I’d be pissed off too if a three-year-old was making a mockery of my entire sporting career.

So in conclusion, by sheer luck and using the worst softball pitch and mummy-loving deus-ex-machina in the world, he gets that final out and disgraces the sport of baseball forever.


So what is that sport movie, the one that I loved three times?  Well, since you have a big screen and I don’t believe in spoiler gaps, you already know it is:

D two the mighty ducks.jpg

And who didn’t love it?  The classic story of an underdog, humour, laughs and ‘We Will Rock You’.  Also, ‘We Are the Champions’.

I am unashamed.  They gave the audience exactly what they want.  And also, they won pretty much through getting inspired and playing better than the other team.

And Disney had it right, play the same plot three times, give the audience the same experience every time.  No one gets sick of that.

I’d watch it again today, in fact, Alpha Nerds, how about we have a Might Ducks marathon in the near future?  Don’t worry, don’t worry, alcohol will definitely be involved.  I have a feeling childhood nostalgia only goes so far.

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