Friday Free for All: Ace Attorney

Today, 5 out of 6 angry alpha nerds sat down to watch and review the live-action Phoenix Wright movie. Note: only 2 of the attending nerds have played the game!

Behold, our beautifully organised review!

I just love the hair. It’s brilliant hair.

Rustling crisp packets and loud, antagonistic crunching.

What’s… I… I think I’m missing a thing or three or 500.

the judge’s beard has been copy-pasted straight from the game.

Undefeated for 40 years, he’s got to be cheating. Ebolabooze had a lecturer named Manfred. Lorekai asks if he was also undefeated for 40 years. Apparently, he tore down uppity students in lecturers, but did not dress quite so fabulously.

Larry Butz is a wizard. Proven by filling the inflatable Steel Samurai with just one tank of helium.

Phoenix’s hairline induces giggling.

You don’t stand a ghost of a chance! Not that line…

They all kept the same hair as kids, love it!

Reaction to the spinning, mechanical device to show the evidence: more wizards.

Fabulous hand clicking. Nobody clicks their fingers like Edgeworth.

is that beard plastic? No, it’s made of pure fabulous.

The statue is now a handgun. Luckily it didn’t shoot the judge.

Edgeworth doesn’t have the same hairstyle as his dad. Hairstyles are meant to be genetic!

How does their hair stay the same in the rain??

The courts generally get the right person… 90… 50% of the time?

Something darker lurks… was it Gourdy who fired the pistol?

A classroom full of normal kids and there’s this one… grey hair and a bowtie. He grew up exactly the same. Bowtie evolved into a cravat! Puberty is a beautiful thing. Cravats where there were no cravats before.

Having the victim walk in alive wouldn’t necessarily get you a not guilty verdict in this place…

Manfred von Karma – look at his cane. I’m going to break him like a kitkat bar.

The judge is actually 32. He wears a lot of makeup.

Pure conjecture counts as evidence! Permit all the random twitches and spontaneous therapy sessions!

Gourds, in Gourds Lake? France? Squids? Rubbish?

I WOULD NOT RENT A BOAT FROM THAT MAN.

Testimony is fine! His testimony is valid. Sure he drinks paint thinner, but still…

How did Redd White lose a shoe when he died?

Where did the person inside the Blue Badger costume go? This question is way too distressing.

Parrot as witness isn’t the worst decision so far.

The judge is always just lost.

The look on Phoenix’s face when he realises that his dead boss is talking to him…

Damn that cryptic advice.

What if his cravat contains a weapon? HIS CRAVAT IS A WEAPON. It fires lasers. And he can throw it like a shuriken.

Final lines in the film:

Edgeworth: My methods do not violate the law. But they seem to have violated you. Have you got a problem with that?

Phoenix: Contemplates it. No. The smile says no. Then, objection!

Oh what a translation. It’s just so canon.

Footnote from marsy: exams x 100000

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