Tonight, five out of six angry alpha nerds sat down and watched a modern classic. (Marsy left to go find other friends in protest).
Yes, we watched 2-Headed Shark Attack. A film so wonderful it has a number in the title but doesn’t refer to a sequel.
We will summarise our responses appropriately, along with highlights and references to any and all technical mastery and reasons for immediate award nominations.
wildfillysama: THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH.
EbolaBooze: Just by watching this, I lost the best memories of the last six years of my life, it killed that many brain cells. Also, the CGI from the early seasons of Dr. Who, FROM THE EIGHTIES was better than the crap they spewed out onto the screen. I also now have cancer. Good job, makers of this film. I’m coming to kill you and your families.
anit the Flea: The shark. rammed. an island. and broke it. Sinking islands apparently go through random periods of stillness followed by sudden jerking and shuddering. The trees do not sway but the cast members are thrown off kilter by the swivelling camera and crash into random fruit.
Windfyre: There was a lot of racism. People who were not white died faster and harder. People kept jumping into the water in pairs so that the shark’s two-headed status could be justified. There are no words for the cgi: there was just o effort in realism. As a lover of movies so bad that no one but me loves them, this movie had so many plot holes that it did not deserve the title of D-movie. The actors went out of their way to fall – jump – into the water. This movie hurt my heart-brain.
lorekai: The best thing I can say about this movie is that it gives lots of opportunities for discussion, and creative theories to explain the frequent inconsistencies? I don’t know, what can I say that hasn’t already been said, bad movie was bad, hilariously so, but at least I sold a crochet trapezium to EbolaBooze for $1.50!