Firefighting Fedoras

Or: Wildfillysama and swampfoot

What is the plural of swampfoot? We have decided that it is a bog. If you see swampfoot in the plural, just walk away.


Currently we are discussing how foot stench can be incredibly appalling. It has degenerated into this from Halo Reach Firefight.

EbolaBooze: Whyyyyyyyyyyy


And now, the top ten ways to fedora up your date.

10. Assume she is a lesbian, (even though she is on a date with you and you are a man) because she went to a girls’ school.

Windfyre: Seitokai Yakuindomo didn’t lie to me!

9. Letting her know you booked a hotel room upstairs.

marsy: You and your hand have fun.

8. The word “yiff” shows up in the conversation.

Ebolabooze: Never break internet rules 1 & 2 on the first date.

7. When you see the tiny section of a flash of a penis (thanks for coming up with that, anit, and thanks for putting it in, marsy)

6. Wearing a jockstrap and a fez (fathers threaten to wear them to formal occasions – thanks lorekai)

5. Being dressed as Hard Gay or a clown – Anit: terrible experiences in costume shops.

4. Small dog in a handbag – Ebolabooze says instantly out – we worked very hard to make him fantasize his unideal girl.

Wildfillysama wearing nothing but a trailing cravat a la mermaid – thanks Ebolabooze – now Anit has a new fetish, hair braided into a beard.

3. He brought his waifu’s cosplay and wig for you to wear for the night.

The very concept induced an eye twitch in marsy.

2. As you sit together in the cinema, they lean into you gently, their warmth comforting, then their snorting breath tickles your ear, then they start sniffing.

(This idea originally started much worse in Windfyre’s mind, thank goodness for censors.)

1. They tell you their fetishes on their first date, depending how long you know them, and how much fun you’re having.  If you are wondering if this applies to you, it does.

Concensus is that 2 is the worst, because you need to escape harder than you ever have before.


If you are in these situations, we have done you the favour of coming up with exit strategies.

1. Pretend you are a ghost.  Have someone else greet them at the door, act confused and sad.  Remove all evidence of your existence, leave the country.

2. Crab walk out of the joint, WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP!

3. Flip the table, flip them off, dance to the exit and RUN!

4. Do not get trapped in the wrong gender’s bathroom.  Unless you can call in close air support.

5. Leave – this dramatic plan brought to you by lorekai.  She should probably try to pretend to be a man.

6. Ebolabooze doesn’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s cute.  Somebody should probably tell his girl(?)friend.

7. Change your status on facebook to in a relationship with them, then change it back.

8. Have a barbershop quartet on reserve in case the date goes badly.

9. Pretend you don’t speak english – halfway through the date.

10. Go to the bathroom, when you come back sit at a different table.

11. Fake a funeral. Fake your own death – if this doesn’t work, you’ll have to decide just how committed you are, to either death or the relationship.

12. Everything you say must either be in song or dirty limerick – unless either of these is their fetish. (MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A TRUCK – BERSERKER) Ebolabooze has wedding plans.

13.  Stand up, turn 360 degrees and walk away.

In conclusion, murder is always a solution.  But everything is fair game if they’re on another continent.

A fun little game is to roll a d20 whenever you think of a fetish.  If you roll a 1, it’s now YOUR fetish.  Fun times await.

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